I am in such an awkward season, NO CAP

So, if I am being quite honest, this phase of my life has been a rollercoaster that seems to not reach its finish line.

The truth is that I left a relationship. Probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make this year.

It left me hurt.

It left me broken.

It left me not really knowing where I stand as a person.

It left me not knowing which parts of me to start healing. I guess I have been dealing with the residue of it all ever since.

For months now, I have been functioning in dysfunction. For a while now, I have been able to put up a front in presenting myself as an ‘A-Okay’ kinda girl yet deep down, I desperately need to heal from my experience. My soul needs saving.

I’ve cried. I’ve prayed that God takes it all away. Yet, I still wouldn’t say I am completely past my experience.

I have realized there are just some things, you can’t pray away or ask God to remove. Most of the time, God will force you to face it head on. This requires you to reveal and give him your heart, as messed up as it may be, and have him help you deal with the root of your pain.

This is something I’m currently doing. I’ve been forced to deal with parts of me that I have long suppressed. What a messy journey, WOW!

My days differ. On some days, I will feel like I am on top of the world, other days I just don’t want to get out of bed.

I am in between unearthing layers of pain, hurt, triggers and heartache.

I now allow myself to feel, cry and let it all out. I am not okay, but gradually getting there.

I have decided to give myself time and for God to do what he needs to do. I honestly don’t know how long it will take, but I am in no rush.

Not only that, I will continue to hold on to the promise that I am going to get to a place where I am completely free and healed.

A place where I can confidently say, I am 100% good.

But for now, let me go heal chile, perhaps I will come back to fill you in on my process.

Okay bye, for now.